2 + 2 = Classic Car

“...Lorry, red lorry, red lorry, red lorry, red lorry, red...” Yes, when I was nearly three years old, I repeated this phrase for a whole 18 hours straight. I went to sleep saying it and woke up the next day, still babbling the phrase in constant repetition. Ok, so it was a lorry rather than a motor car, but at that age I don’t think I pondered the distinction. What was important was that it had four wheels, an engine and it was red (obviously the latter was of particular significance to me at the time). Although this period of early psychological dysfunction may disturb some of you, it was certainly an early indicator of the obsession taking hold and something I am no doubt wrong in feeling quite proud of. Can anyone else boast of suffering from some kind of car related breakdown of the physiological kind? I’m adamant some of you can. (Surely its no worse than having an imaginary friend...? Yes apparently I had one of those too...called Durn).

Car obsession has its place though and like any addiction, you may find yourself returning to it in times of stress. During my GCSE exams I was utterly obsessed with the Caterham Super Seven and I don’t just mean during this period in my life, I mean I was thinking about this car whilst undertaking the actual exam papers. The car represented escape and freedom and although it’s tempting to blame Colin Chapman for the state of my GSCE Maths grade, surely day dreaming about cars is an escape into our imagination when reality gets too boring. I really would love to have a go in a Caterham.

Surely the cars we choose to think about says a lot about who we are, or who we would like to be, at any particular moment. Recently I became obsessed with another Lotus, the classic Esprit.This obsession was structured ar

ound a number of real world considerations. It’s a fairly reliable classic and one I could drive to business meetings. It would also be a kind of statement about my lifestyle choices (read no kids thank goodness, so no need for back seats). Its also a classic piece of British engineering, with classic ‘pop up’ head lights. The very last factor is my wife’s concern. She loves pop up head lights and wonders why more cars don’t have them. We haven’t yet bought an Esprit, as my wife is very attached to her Ford Probe which also has pop up head lights. I am therefore stuck on how to promote the Lotus as a more attractive car? Who gives a damn for aerodynamics or fuel efficiency when an essentially mechanical gimmick is bestowed such weighty importance.

When we first purchased the Probe, I thought it had the design inadequacy of not being able to flash the head lights quickly, as you might do when letting someone out of a side road, or want to bestow permission to a pedestrian to cross in front of you. I thought you had to pop up the lights every time you needed to perform the motoring equivalent of Morse code, i.e. flashing your lights in a certain order to communicate with other road users. Most of us have become casually acquainted to some version of ‘flash code’. Personally I flash once to let a pedestrian cross the road and two flashes to let a car out of a side road. In all cases three flashes or more means hurry up and get out of my bloody way). It was taking me an inordinate amount of time to locate the column stalk light switch to operate the front beam, which was initially very distracting and dangerous. I did a whole week of nearly knocking people over as I fumbled for the head lights and like a twit, wondered why I was getting funny looks. I felt quite the dunce when I realised the Probe has front spot lights, visible at all times within the front bumper and operational without the need to pop up anything. These smaller lights could be flashed in the normal manner, with minimal fuss and at a moments notice. But I’m sure most of you already know this.

Next I would like to introduce you to an example of the Rover P6. It wasn’t my first car, but it was my first classic car obsession that wasn’t just a day dream. Ownership was a test of sanity, but that’s all in the next blog.