It’s been an eventful week logistically in the UK. We awoke on Tu
esday morning in Manchester city centre to find we had clearly entered a new ice age. The taxis rank normally wakes us up with their incessant beeping by 7:30, but it was about 11 o’clock before we stirred and looked out the window to see a city covered in snow, ice and more snow and not a taxi in sight. This was not surprising when we ventured out and saw that there was nothing to distinguish path from road surface.
The fact that civilisation as we know it had affectively ended (albeit hopefully temporarily) in the North didn’t seem to concern our London centric ‘national’ news, which barely registered the severity of precipitation north of Watford. That of course changed by Wednesday when they realised it was heading down south and London and the South-East generally went into economic and social meltdown. My mother and father in Surrey have not done a days work since, although they have made sure all the grandparents have been given food rations. On Monday night I had watched the Bolivia Top Gear special (at one point it does look as though Clarkson is going to fall down a ravine in an ancient Range Rover) and wanting my own dangerous car adventure I decided to ignore the overnight snow fall and skate down to the Boddingtons car park, dig out the car and attempt the journey to work.
The Probe never ceases to amaze me with its hardiness. The pictures don’t do justice to the sheer amount of ice and snow it was entombed in.
esday morning in Manchester city centre to find we had clearly entered a new ice age. The taxis rank normally wakes us up with their incessant beeping by 7:30, but it was about 11 o’clock before we stirred and looked out the window to see a city covered in snow, ice and more snow and not a taxi in sight. This was not surprising when we ventured out and saw that there was nothing to distinguish path from road surface.The fact that civilisation as we know it had affectively ended (albeit hopefully temporarily) in the North didn’t seem to concern our London centric ‘national’ news, which barely registered the severity of precipitation north of Watford. That of course changed by Wednesday when they realised it was heading down south and London and the South-East generally went into economic and social meltdown. My mother and father in Surrey have not done a days work since, although they have made sure all the grandparents have been given food rations. On Monday night I had watched the Bolivia Top Gear special (at one point it does look as though Clarkson is going to fall down a ravine in an ancient Range Rover) and wanting my own dangerous car adventure I decided to ignore the overnight snow fall and skate down to the Boddingtons car park, dig out the car and attempt the journey to work.
The Probe never ceases to amaze me with its hardiness. The pictures don’t do justice to the sheer amount of ice and snow it was entombed in.It was that cold that a thermos flask inside the car, filled with hot water the day before had frozen solid. Yet, it started first time, and with my trusty red seaside spade and ice scrapper, I was slipping and sliding out onto the A6042 in under 15 minutes.
On my way to work I damned nearly drop my phone on a number of occasions trying to take photos of the journey. I have spared the shame of the BMW drivers out there by not taking photos of the many who were stranded. I have counted five of Germanys finest so far, many of which had found that rear wheel drive and automatic gear boxes don’t cope very well in slippery conditions. One Z3 has been abandoned all week outside a Shell Garage and now resembles an oblong shaped igloo, I assume being an aggrieved BMW driver, they just went out and bought a replacement Z4.
I thought cars were supposed to look glamorous in the snow, but then I realised that this notion was subconsciously based on James Bonds Lotus Esprit in For Your Eyes Only. In reality the snow and ice mocks our cars, giving them stupid white humps on their roofs, like ugly roof racks and attaching muddy snow clingers to the wheel arches. The ice also makes you look like you drive like a fool. If you haven’t lost traction whilst trying to accelerate from the lights, you are driving at four miles an hour to avoid careering off the road, whilst braking earlier for traffic than anyone over 70 usually does.
My colleague, a proud Jaguar XF owner has also had an eventful week. Now that Jaguar have successfully built a BMW 5 series, Neil found out that the rear wheel drive, automatic gearbox set up in the XF made him drive like a BMW driver too. On Tuesday, Neil barely made it into work before 10:30 and he had to leave for home at 1:30 pm, in case the slight incline on the road out of the Quays caused the XF to give up and slide to the side of the road. Neil has been very forgiving of the cars shortcomings, but that’s only because he’s glad he still has a car...early on the same morning an unlucky commuter was sitting in the dark, in traffic on Hale Road, when he started to hear strange noises coming from his Peugeot 308. Then on noticing sparks, he pulled into a side road and parked up next to Neil’s sleeping Jaguar XF. The Peugeot promptly set itself alight and followed this with a series of small but flamboyant explosions. Surely only a French car would have the indecency to catch fire whilst driving on a block of ice. Neil awoke and on looking out his window deduced that it was his XF causing the impromptu bonfire. However, on rushing outside it was to his utter relief that it was only a silly French car burning. Acting quickly, Neil bravely moved the XF out of harm’s way.
This is Neil’s surprisingly artistic photo of the fireman attending to the blaze, so fierce that it has melted a small, warped car shape into the tarmac.
Although dramatic Neil did not have the worst week transport wise. This accolade goes to my wife’s sister, who had a very difficult week car-wise in her brown 1980 Austin Mini. On Sunday night I managed to pour half a pint of Newcastle brown ale down her back seats, something she wasn’t best pleased with, especially when having to remove her sopping seat cushions out and clear up the mess at 1:30 am. Her journeys to the Trafford Centre this week have also been a complete nightmare. Her mini being as light as snow has meant virtually no traction. Her solution
has been to drive to work in first gear, calculating that if crashing, she couldn’t do much harm to herself or to her precious mini. Her pace has caused a few road rage incidences with drivers of big stupid off-roaders. Having witnessed the smug behaviour of 4x4 drivers over the last week whilst driving the Probe, I can only imagine the hassle that Edel has had in the mini. Well done 4x4 people, I hope you all enjoy the only week EVER where owning a 4x4 actually has a benefit. Theo (as Edel’s mini is called) added insult to injury this morning by failing to start. The Probe meanwhile has taken everything mother nature could throw at it. I love to hate that this car, but having now spent the best part of my twenties explaining to people that its the wife’s, I have to grudgingly accept its growing list of abilities, now added to which is ice skating.
Well done Probe, you have started first time every day, defrosted quickly, you didn’t get stuck in the snow or slip off the road and haven’t yet caught on fire. Thank you.
I thought cars were supposed to look glamorous in the snow, but then I realised that this notion was subconsciously based on James Bonds Lotus Esprit in For Your Eyes Only. In reality the snow and ice mocks our cars, giving them stupid white humps on their roofs, like ugly roof racks and attaching muddy snow clingers to the wheel arches. The ice also makes you look like you drive like a fool. If you haven’t lost traction whilst trying to accelerate from the lights, you are driving at four miles an hour to avoid careering off the road, whilst braking earlier for traffic than anyone over 70 usually does.My colleague, a proud Jaguar XF owner has also had an eventful week. Now that Jaguar have successfully built a BMW 5 series, Neil found out that the rear wheel drive, automatic gearbox set up in the XF made him drive like a BMW driver too. On Tuesday, Neil barely made it into work before 10:30 and he had to leave for home at 1:30 pm, in case the slight incline on the road out of the Quays caused the XF to give up and slide to the side of the road. Neil has been very forgiving of the cars shortcomings, but that’s only because he’s glad he still has a car...early on the same morning an unlucky commuter was sitting in the dark, in traffic on Hale Road, when he started to hear strange noises coming from his Peugeot 308. Then on noticing sparks, he pulled into a side road and parked up next to Neil’s sleeping Jaguar XF. The Peugeot promptly set itself alight and followed this with a series of small but flamboyant explosions. Surely only a French car would have the indecency to catch fire whilst driving on a block of ice. Neil awoke and on looking out his window deduced that it was his XF causing the impromptu bonfire. However, on rushing outside it was to his utter relief that it was only a silly French car burning. Acting quickly, Neil bravely moved the XF out of harm’s way.
This is Neil’s surprisingly artistic photo of the fireman attending to the blaze, so fierce that it has melted a small, warped car shape into the tarmac.
Although dramatic Neil did not have the worst week transport wise. This accolade goes to my wife’s sister, who had a very difficult week car-wise in her brown 1980 Austin Mini. On Sunday night I managed to pour half a pint of Newcastle brown ale down her back seats, something she wasn’t best pleased with, especially when having to remove her sopping seat cushions out and clear up the mess at 1:30 am. Her journeys to the Trafford Centre this week have also been a complete nightmare. Her mini being as light as snow has meant virtually no traction. Her solution
has been to drive to work in first gear, calculating that if crashing, she couldn’t do much harm to herself or to her precious mini. Her pace has caused a few road rage incidences with drivers of big stupid off-roaders. Having witnessed the smug behaviour of 4x4 drivers over the last week whilst driving the Probe, I can only imagine the hassle that Edel has had in the mini. Well done 4x4 people, I hope you all enjoy the only week EVER where owning a 4x4 actually has a benefit. Theo (as Edel’s mini is called) added insult to injury this morning by failing to start. The Probe meanwhile has taken everything mother nature could throw at it. I love to hate that this car, but having now spent the best part of my twenties explaining to people that its the wife’s, I have to grudgingly accept its growing list of abilities, now added to which is ice skating.
Well done Probe, you have started first time every day, defrosted quickly, you didn’t get stuck in the snow or slip off the road and haven’t yet caught on fire. Thank you.
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